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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25351012">days of you and me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/boneslen/pseuds/boneslen'>boneslen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last of Us</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Spoilers, focus is on Ellie and Joel, inner turmoil</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:15:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,957</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25351012</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/boneslen/pseuds/boneslen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Joel." Ellie's body ached and protested as she reached out to Joel. Gently, she fingered the sleeve of his jacket. It was all she had the strength to do. Without realizing it, tears began to flood her eyes again. She was breaking down. "I thought you..."</p><p>Ellie couldn't finish before her emotions overcame her. She began to sob, and Joel did his best to comfort her in his broken state. With shaking hands, he caressed her face.</p><p>"I'm here." Joel's voice sounded so strained and fragile. It made Ellie cry even harder.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dina &amp; Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie &amp; Joel (The Last of Us)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>231</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>days of you and me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>If I ever were to lose you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'd surely lose myself.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Please stop! Please don't do this!" Ellie felt her ribs cracking from the pressure of the people kneeling on her. But it didn't even bother her. All her mind focused on was Joel. She couldn't lose him. <em>Please. </em>Not like this. Not him.</p><p>In a strangled voice, Ellie begged once more. "Please!"</p><p>The woman wielding the golf club like a weapon suddenly whirled to face Ellie. Her face was hardened with a scary amount of wrath, glaring at Ellie with disdain. She used the golf club to point at Joel's nearly lifeless body.</p><p>"He <em>deserves</em> to die." The woman spit out. Her voice was oddly desperate.</p><p>"No!" Ellie struggled to free herself, but she was completely trapped. Her heart was hammering inside her aching chest hard and fast. Faster than it ever had. She had never been this panicked in her life. Not when she and Riley got bit, not when Riley turned into a savage monster and tried to kill her, not even when David was chasing her throughout that nightmare of a restaurant. </p><p>Because this time, if she <em>lost</em> Joel, the one person that meant everything to her, Ellie knew her heart and soul would break and maybe never heal again. She would feel death without dying. So no, Ellie had never felt fear and panic this strong.</p><p> "Please, <em>no</em>! Don't do this! Don't do this, please!"</p><p>The woman gripped the golf club tighter, and Ellie screamed rabidly in despair. She couldn't. Please, she couldn't lose him. <em>Please</em>. If they killed Joel, Ellie also wasn't sure if she'd be able to control or even stop her savage desire for revenge and murder. The thoughts scared her, but they were overshadowed by the raw, restrained anger Ellie held for these strangers.  </p><p>"You don't need to explain to her." A man's voice, the only man that hadn't beat the shit out of Ellie already, spoke up. He automatically drew the woman's attention to him. "Just do it."</p><p>Ellie let a shaky breath exit her lungs. Please, <em>no</em>. Ellie watched as the woman glared darkly at the man. It was obvious the loathing in her eyes wasn't directed at him. She clutched the golf club, thankfully not moving it closer to Joel. </p><p>"I want to explain to her. Because no one explained to <em>me</em> why my dad had to die."</p><p>So that was it. Joel must've killed whoever this woman's father was. Ellie didn't really give a shit right now. </p><p>The man didn't speak again. He simply held eye contact with the woman. </p><p>The air remained tense and heavy. Ellie felt like she could drown on the thickness of it. None of the others dared to speak. But after a moment, the woman turned back to Ellie. Her narrowed eyes focused on Ellie's distressed face.</p><p>"You don't know what he did."</p><p>That was a lie. Ellie knew better than anyone. Ellie felt the consequences more than <em>anyone</em>.</p><p>"I do! I was there, I was—" Ellie's voice cracked. "Just please don't do this, I can't lose him."</p><p>The sound of the woman's footsteps were menacing as she stalked towards Ellie. She knelt in front of her, eyeing her intensely. At this distance, Ellie could clearly see the lines of hatred and anguish written on the stranger's face. And Ellie felt the worry within her increase.</p><p>"You were there? Then you <em>know </em>why he should die. Why he should suffer!" The bottom of the woman's face was splattered with blood. Joel's. "He k-killed my father. He killed my friends, my family, everyone I looked up to, <em>everyone</em> that was trying to save the human race! He doomed humanity. Don't you understand? He is the reason there is no cure, and he's the reason why there <em>never</em> will be."</p><p>Ellie twisted violently, feeling her shoulder scream in pain as she did so. Tears were spilling down her face, blurring her vision. The words that the woman spoke were the same words that kept Ellie awake every night. She already <em>knew</em>. "I know, I know. I'm sorry! He is too, please, believe me! He's suffered over it, and he knows, and he regrets it. Okay? Please! Please?! <em>Killing</em> him won't do anything. Please, it won't do anything!"</p><p>A pause. </p><p>"And...it won't bring <em>him</em> back," Ellie pleaded, her voice trembling. "It'll just take another father." </p><p>A snarl overcame the woman's face. Her eyes squinted in raw anger at Ellie, as her mouth curled dangerously. Shit. Ellie hoped she hadn't overstepped and made the woman now want to immediately kill <em>both</em> Joel and Ellie now.</p><p>Even though she was kneeling, the woman's broad, muscular frame towered over Ellie's restrained body. Ellie suddenly realized just how <em>jacked</em> this woman was. In addition to her threatening frame, the woman's venomous glare was still burning holes into Ellie. And in that moment, Ellie was <em>so</em> scared. Had her words done nothing to change the woman's mind?</p><p>But then, all the wrath and disdain seeped away from the woman in one exhale. In its place, was evident exhaustion. Ellie could also see devastation buried deep underneath the woman's layered feelings. Did she actually get through to her?</p><p>The woman stood, continuing to stare down at Ellie. Intimidated, Ellie felt herself cowering even as she tried to keep a stony expression.</p><p>Then, the woman spoke one last time. "Don't waste it."</p><p>Before Ellie could even try to comprehend what her words meant, the woman drew her foot back and kicked Ellie hard in the face, knocking her out instantaneously.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Everything I have found here</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I've not found by myself.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ellie woke to warm, wet hands holding her face. Her eyes fluttered open blearily, trying to make sense of who was in front of her.</p><p>All she saw was red. </p><p>Her vision was cloudy, and Ellie blinked rapidly. What was going on? What happened? </p><p>Then she saw.</p><p>It was Joel. </p><p>He was <em>alive</em>. Fuck, he was alive.  </p><p>Joel was holding Ellie's face in his hands, watching her carefully through swollen, bruised eyes. They were both still sprawled out on the ground. He must've crawled over to her unconscious body. She had no idea how mustered the strength to wrangle himself over to her, but she was thankful for it. Perhaps the adrenaline and worry that she was seriously injured gave Joel the energy to go to her.</p><p>For Ellie, all she felt was shock right now. No others emotions were registering. She tried to recall just exactly what had happened.</p><p>Remembering the dangerous strangers that were here seemingly moments ago, Ellie furtively glanced around in fear. But the gang of people were gone. The only other person was Tommy. He lay unconscious a few feet away, just as he'd been when Ellie entered the room.</p><p>Joel mumbled something incoherent and Ellie's eyes flew back to him. She almost winced at the view. The red she had first seen was the blood on his face. And there was a lot of it. He looked like an absolute mess, seemingly more dead than alive, and Ellie wondered how he was still breathing. But she was immensely grateful that he was.</p><p>His left eye was completely swollen, and blood, bruises, cuts, and welts covered almost every part of his face. It was to the extent that he was almost unrecognizable. A bit was missing from his left ear, and with shock, Ellie realized his hands felt so wet on her face because it was covered with blood. His own blood.</p><p>"<em>Joel</em>." Ellie's body ached and protested as she reached out to Joel. Gently, she fingered the sleeve of his jacket. It was all she had the strength to do. Without realizing it, tears began to flood her eyes again. She was breaking down. "I thought you..."</p><p>Ellie couldn't finish before her emotions overcame her. She began to sob, and Joel did his best to comfort her in his broken state. With shaking hands, he caressed her face.</p><p>"I'm here." Joel's voice sounded so strained and fragile. It made Ellie cry even harder.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>
  <em>Try and sometimes you'll succeed</em>
</p><p>
  <em>To make this man of me.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ellie's injuries were nothing compared to Joel's. He almost died. He should've died. Those people that came to kill him did almost everything in their power to hurt him with all the animosity in the world. Ellie was able to glance over a list of his injuries for a brief moment, and reading it almost sent her into another panic attack. It seemed endlessly horrific. Joel would never be the same.</p><p>But at least he was alive.</p><p>Every moment was spent at Joel's bedside. The doctors, Tommy, Maria, and Dina all insisted Ellie go home. Get some rest. Eat something.</p><p>But Ellie couldn't. She wasn't going <em>anywhere</em>. She'd already spent the last two years deliberately avoiding Joel. And when she finally decided to try and forgive him, she almost lost him the very next day. </p><p>Ellie wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to forgive <em>herself</em> if Joel died before he knew how much Ellie still loved him. Or if he died without knowing that Ellie had finally forgiven him. She'd forgiven Joel the very moment she saw him on the floor of that basement. In that terrifying moment, in the back of her mind, Ellie knew her grudge and anger towards him had been utterly meaningless. </p><p>As Ellie sat on a chair next to Joel's sleeping body, she reflected more on her decision to forgive him. She had expected that it would take much longer to find it within herself to move on from what Joel did to her and the rest of humanity, but it actually just came down a dangerously frightening near-fatal experience.</p><p>If Joel had been killed by those people, Ellie <em>knew</em> she would've tracked them down and brutally murdered every last one of them. Not doubt about it. And feeling those passionate emotions showed her that Joel must've felt the same thing when he thought he was going to lose Ellie in that hospital. Nothing else mattered except each other. And knowing that brought a new light to Ellie's perspective on Joel's action. A light of forgiveness.</p><p>Ellie was yanked out of her thoughts when Joel mumbled. Her eyes flew to him, and she lunged forward, clutching his arm with vigor.</p><p>"Joel?" She searched his face for something. Anything. For the past few days he'd been completely passed out. It was from the drugs, exhaustion, and pain. The doctors said he might sleep for a whole week at this point. "Are you awake? It's me, Ellie."</p><p>Nothing. He was still deeply out of it. Dissatisfied, Ellie slumped back in her chair. God, she missed him. He was right there in front of her, and she missed him. Wasn't that a bit pathetic? But seeing him almost die...and witnessing how badly he'd been beaten made Ellie never want to leave his side ever again. She just wanted to talk with him again, laugh about dumb jokes, eat together, and watch another shitty movie on Ellie's comfy couch with a burnt bowl of popcorn between them. That's all she wanted.</p><p>And she'd almost lost it all.</p><p>The sound of the door opening made Ellie jump. She whipped her head around, poised to defend herself and Joel immediately.</p><p>It was Dina.</p><p>Ellie physically relaxed, falling back into her chair with a heavy sigh. "Hey."</p><p>"Hey yourself." Dina sidled over to her, casting a concerned glance at Joel. "Did you think I was someone else?"</p><p>Yes. "No. I'm just tired."</p><p>Ellie was constantly afraid that the woman and her friends would return to finish the job. And perhaps Ellie wouldn't be able to convince them to stop a second time.</p><p>Ignoring the lie, Dina touched Ellie's shoulder and squeezed.</p><p>"Well, we all want you to get some sleep. Tommy sent me in here to persuade you, once again, to go home and rest. That doesn't mean taking a thirty minute nap in this uncomfortable, shitty chair you're sitting in."</p><p>Ellie scoffed. "Excuse you. I happen to like this chair. And it's done nothing to you. No need to insult it."</p><p>"Oh, <em>my bad</em>," Dina dramatically replied, playing along. Then, her smile fell and she looked at Ellie a little more intensely. "But really. You seem exhausted. Just go home...wash up, sleep, eat a meal, and then come back in the morning."</p><p>"I can't just leave him, Dina," Ellie retorted, her nerves frayed. "What if—"</p><p>"He's safe." Dina knelt down besides Ellie's chair. Her gaze was strong and unwavering. It gave Ellie comfort. "And he's not going anywhere. No one's coming either. Plus, how's Joel going to feel when he wakes to see you looking all emaciated and tired as shit? Who's he gonna blame? Huh?"</p><p>Ellie gave a light laugh. She glanced at Joel's still form, and her heart warmed at the thought. She would've missed his overprotectiveness more than she'd like to admit. "Tommy. He'd kill Tommy."</p><p>"Exactly." Dina thumped her hand against Ellie's leg. "And we don't want Tommy to die, do we? Come on."</p><p>With shaky legs, Ellie stood. Still, she didn't want to leave. The thought of coming back to find an empty bed, or even worse, Joel dead, terrified Ellie to no end. But she had to trust what Dina said. He was safe. And no one was coming.</p><p>She turned to Dina, her eyes wide with determination. "If something happens, anything at all, come get me immediately. Or send someone. Please."</p><p>Dina hummed, and began to usher Ellie out of the room.</p><p>"I will, I promise. Though... nothing's going to happen. He's on <em>heavy</em> drugs."</p><p>Ellie allowed herself to slightly smile. "Not as heavy as the weed we smoked."</p><p>A fond, surprised grin flashed on Dina's face. She chuckled in agreement, then continued shoving Ellie out the door.</p><p>As they exited the room, Dina softly shut the door behind them. Ellie peered through the door's window one last time, then pulled herself away with a sigh.</p><p>Dina touched Ellie's cheek comfortingly. It reminded Ellie of waking up to Joel's hands holding her face. His only thought was of Ellie's safety, even though he was on the verge of death. For the hundredth time that week, Ellie felt her eyes beginning to blur with tears. The memories of that terrible day seemed to haunt her. It had a chokehold on Ellie's heart, and refused to let go.</p><p>"Ellie..." Dina said softly, bringing Ellie out of her dark thoughts. "Things are alright now. Joel's going to get through this. And you will too"</p><p>"I almost lost him," Ellie whispered back, her voice cracking. "And he doesn't even know that–that I still love him <em>so</em> much...even after everything."</p><p>Dina smiled warmly back at Ellie, wiping away her tears with her thumbs. Dina's eyes were wet too.</p><p>"He knows."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>All of my stolen missing parts</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I've no need for anymore.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ellie suffered through three hours of sleep, jolting awake every couple minutes, sometimes screaming and crying. Her nightmares were all of Joel. Joel dying. Joel's blood and guts splattered on her. Those people kidnapping Joel and disappearing without a trace. But the worst nightmare was the one where Joel glared at Ellie with venomous hatred, and said, "This is all your fault." Then the braided woman smashed his head in again and again right after. </p><p>Ellie was helpless in every single one of her dreams. </p><p>A steady knocking on her door sent her flying in an upright position. She frantically scanned the room while simultaneously trying to calm her breathing. </p><p>Upon shakily opening the door, she saw Tommy. He peered in, offering Ellie a somewhat comforting smile. "Hey girl."</p><p>"Tommy," Ellie exhaled. She rubbed her face. It was strangely sweaty. "Something wrong?"</p><p>Tommy gave her a once over and chuckled. "Besides you looking as if you just barely survived Outbreak Day?"</p><p>She would've hit him if she didn't feel so extremely drained. </p><p>"I'm fine." A lie, but it wouldn't really hurt anyone. "Everything okay with...with him?"</p><p>"He's awake." </p><p>Oh, Jesus. Ellie snatched her jacket, yanking it on her arms with haste and roughness. She then tugged on her boots, slightly wincing when her twisted ankle throbbed from the severity of her actions. </p><p>Tommy gently touched Ellie's shoulder. She didn't even need to look up to feel the pity radiating from him. She hated pity.</p><p>"Hey, calm down. He's fine, okay?"</p><p>"I'm–I'm cool," Ellie snapped back. "Just my ankle's killing me, but it's cause of <em>those</em> fuckers."</p><p>Ellie exited her little house, closing the door behind her. Finally, she was going to be with Joel again. </p><p>The two walked in silence for a little while longer. Ellie's mind was full of busy thoughts, but she didn't dare share them aloud. </p><p>"Speaking of those fuckers..."</p><p>Ellie's eyes flew to Tommy. "Yeah?"</p><p>Tommy's eyes were suddenly hardened. He was almost unrecognizable when he got this way. </p><p>"I think I know who they are, or where they're from, at least. The woman, <em>that</em> woman, her name was Abby. And they're all based in Seattle, Washington." That's all Tommy said, but the question was still there.</p><p>But Ellie wasn't sure how to answer. She would like nothing more than to torture and beat every last one of them in the same manner that they treated Joel. But...this "Abby" did let him go. She let all of them go. And Ellie wasn't sure if she should poke the beast and change that outcome.</p><p>It was still a raging battle within Ellie's beaten mind. But as far as they knew, no one was coming back to finish the job. For now, they were all safe. And it didn't matter that Ellie's nightmares weren't soothed by that hope. </p><p>Ellie turned to Tommy, stopping them in their path. They were only a few yards away from the building Joel was in.</p><p>"No." Ellie's was adamant, in a way she rarely was around Tommy. She recalled the last thing Abby said to her. "I'm not going to waste it."</p><p>"Waste what?" Tommy hit back. "All you're going to be wasting is the opportunity to kill these assholes!"</p><p>Sometimes Ellie wasn't sure who was more stubborn, Tommy or Joel. Though right now, it was clearly Tommy.</p><p>"We're all alive! You, me, and Joel." Ellie's hands flung around desperately as she tried to make her point. "They didn't have to let us go. But they...they <em>did</em>. And if you and I go mass murder the lot of them, then something inevitable might happen to us too. We'd be wasting the opportunity they gave us. By <em>dying</em><em>.</em>"</p><p>Tommy opened his mouth, ready to argue, but then decided against it. He leveled a cool gaze at Ellie instead. Completely unreadable. </p><p>Knowing he would be understandably pissed at her for a little while longer, Ellie decided she’d enter the building by herself and leave Tommy out here to stew. </p><p>She padded up the stairs, barely hearing the crunch of the snow over the sound of rushing blood in her ears. As she reached the doorway, her hand faltered on the handle. </p><p>"I'm sorry, Tommy." Ellie turned slightly, keeping her eyes on the ground. "But I'm not leaving him." </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I believe</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And I believe 'cause I can see.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, Joel," Ellie whispered. As gentle as a feather, she brushed his face. It could hardly even be called a face. Joel was so littered with colorful bruises and cuts that his formerly handsome features had been transformed into something he may never recover from. "It's me. Ellie."</p><p>His right eye, the one that wasn't swollen shut, fluttered open. He seemed to search the room for a moment before landing on Ellie. His hand shakily reached out and Ellie immediately latched onto it. She held his hand tightly in hers, trying to hold back her tears. </p><p>"You're alright?" His voice was raspy and grated. If even a fan was blowing, Ellie wouldn't have been able to hear him at all. </p><p>"You asshole, how dare you ask me how I'm doing." Ellie coughed to choke back a sob. "I'm <em>fine</em>. Cause you're okay."</p><p>A smile appeared on Joel's face. "Good."</p><p>Ellie knew she was probably squeezing his hand too tightly, but it felt like it was the only thing preventing her from falling. From collapsing. Seeing Joel, feeling his hand between hers was the constant reminder that he was alive. He would survive, just like he survived countless injuries and incidents in the past years. </p><p>"I shouldn't have treated you like shit the past two years," Ellie blurted. She knew she had to apologize. Joel already had countless times, again and again, even as Ellie continued to hold her grudge over his head with spite. "I'm <em>really</em> sorry, Joel."</p><p>Now, the tears were spilling from her eyes. She felt like a dumb baby, especially because she wasn't the one in the hospital bed aching from injuries on almost every part of her body. </p><p>"Don't be." Joel rubbed his thumb on Ellie's shaking hand. She couldn't look at him right now. Even if he reassured her everything was fine, she knew it wasn't. At least, not within her. If she lost him before–</p><p>No. She couldn't think about that. </p><p>"I deserved it, Ellie," Joel sounded drastically serious all of a sudden. "It wasn't on you."</p><p>Ellie inhaled deeply, feeling the air rattle in her lungs. She had to get her truth out now. If she didn't explain herself, and show Joel how her thinking had changed, she was sure the nightmares would just get worse.</p><p>"Yeah, but everything you did, you did for me. I just didn't know, I didn't realize, and I was <em>so </em>mad I couldn't even think straight." It was true. Ellie refused to even think about the situation from Joel's perspective until she was literally forced into a similar situation with the roles reversed. "I know if–if you fucking <em>died</em> back there, I would've...I would've taken my anger at myself and your killers out on everyone that crossed my path. I'm not sure I would've ever stopped hurting others until <em>I</em> was the one that stopped feeling pain. Until I was <em>fucking</em> numb. And knowing that, knowing I probably would've became a monster I couldn't even recognize, I understand you better now."</p><p>Ellie inhaled deeply, fighting back a sob. She wasn't done. Not yet. "I'm ashamed of my thoughts, but I know you were ashamed of your actions."</p><p>"And so...I accept what you did. And I forgive you, Joel." Ellie's watery eyes traveled to Joel's somber face. "Because I would've done the same for you."</p><p>Joel reached out with his other hand, the one that was attached to his broken wrist, and clasped Ellie's hands tightly in both of his. There were tears forming in his eyes, similar to the night when Ellie said she'd try to forgive Joel. Tears of sadness turned into those of joy. The best sort.</p><p>"Thank you, Ellie." Joel's voice was so soft, almost inaudible. "<em>Thank you.</em>"</p><p>Ellie felt her heart, the same heart that had been formerly frozen with icy resentment, warm from Joel's genuinely honest words. She felt all the inner pain and turmoil she'd been suffering from for years start to finally drain from her tired body. </p><p>Joel was <em>alive</em>. He would be fine, just like Dina, Tommy, and even Joel himself kept insisting. And now, Joel finally knew Ellie forgave him. He knew she <em>loved</em> him. </p><p>Perhaps, now they would be able to finally have their movie night without any hidden thoughts or unsaid words between them. </p><p>Perhaps, now they could finally breathe.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Our future days</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Days of you and me.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TLOU2 left a lot of things unsaid. It also left a lot of fans upset and disappointed...me being one of them. It's totally fine if you don't share my opinion...it's a very divisive game. Joel is one of my favorite video game characters, so I thought he deserved a little tribute. And Joel &amp; Ellie's relationship is one of the best fictional relationships ever created. I tried to give them a little more closure and understanding than they ultimately got. </p><p>Also, if you didn't recognize it, the lyrics throughout the work are from Future Days by Pearl Jam. AKA the song that Joel plays in the beginning that Ellie also tries to play throughout the game...but can't.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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